odd one out

I'm the middle child. Sometimes, most times I feel like I'm the missing link... and still missing. It feels like I get over seen. I know it might just be paranoia but it's my paranoia.

It makes me sad and it feels like I have no one to share it with. No on wants to listen to someone complaining about there life. But that's just it, I always listen to others problems. Like this one time, my friend was dating my brother, he wasn't that in to her and I did warn her, she didn't listen but when it didn't workout, i was the shoulder she cried on... a few weeks after i to had a little love disappointment, we were house sitting for some other friends, so when i got home the evening, feeling very fragile i started poring my heart out to her. She managed to turn the whole conversation around so that she was the one in need of a shoulder. So what could i do? I dried up my tears and offered her some tender and encouraging words... I got over the guy and moved on.

But it's not just my friendships i take a back seat to, in my work, family and even my church this happens

When i started my job i had to get uniforms ordered. I worked there for 6 months before i received any and then they still got my shoe size wrong. There were people that started after me that got threes before mine. I have been looked over more them 5 times for job promotions, and it's not that i don't do my work right, the boss's excuse is that I'm to valuable in my department that he doesn't want to move me... but he doesn't offer a raise ether.

I still live at home and on weekends both siblings come to visit, i feel like running away. It's like i get moved into a corner, I'm the one filling the drinks, making coffee, fetching this, doing that, running after them like a butler. I remember one weekend we decided to order some take out... my order got screwed up, oeps, they said, sorry, but that's fine what you got, don't worry, next time. They always talk over me, when i speak no one listens, its even happened that i would mention something in conversation and they wont even take notice, then someone else mentions the same thing and they get applause. When i have friends over this also happens, we go and sit in the front room then my parents join us and soon after I'm being sent to make tea, to pore drinks and when and the whole conversation gets monopolized by my parents. When i confront them about it they act all let down and as if i did them this huge in justice.

So i decided to join another church. One where i don't have to live in the shadow of my family. I started helping out with the youth then a married couple joined and with the pastor's son the four of us became the official youth leaders. But once again it happened, i am always been left out. I've been in this church for 2 years and at the beginning a each month the people who has a birthday in that month has to stand up and the get wished a happy birth day. This morning was one of those Sundays and as last year my birthday wasn't mentioned again. Now i don't really like the spotlight on me so when they asked if anyone got left out, i didn't want to jump up and say, yes me.

I'd rather not say anything, then put up a scene. I'm not like that. I guess that's why I'm mentioning it now where little to none will get to see it, at lest its out now... and i feel better...
... For now.